I just wanted to write something here, I’m in a hopeless state.
I was supposed to go out tonight. Really wanted to go out to this certain event. Sadly, all of my friends dropped their plans to do something different without me. I just felt rejected again, it almost always happens. I just felt tired of this bullshit.
My mom wanted to go with me, but I didn’t want to. This meant I had to miss it because I’m scared to go alone, and I didn’t want to.
Because I was mad I had a random temper tantrum, and so my parents said that they will never attend any events anymore, even when I invite them.
I went into my room, and started crying. They didn’t hear me. They didn’t want to. They used to. They used to comfort me. They didn’t this time.
I just feel awkward going out with my parents because I know that they won’t have fun, which leads me to not doing anything either.
At this point, the event started right now. I had to invite my mom out, even though I didn’t feel like it. I just start feeling paranoid and lonely again. I was cried out.
I had another temper tantrum. My mom bumped into me and hit me.
My dad stopped us both, and then threatened to beat me to death and then leave home.
My body is now numb. I can barely breathe through the hiccups. My skin is burning. I feel like collapsing. They left me alone to cry in my room. They completely forgot who I am.
I am their daughter. And I am mentally derranged. Lately they stopped supporting me. Now I sit here crying, thinking that the next day, they’ll treat me like nothing happened. When I know the truth is it won’t be ok.